I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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