i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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