There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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