Got a toothbrush?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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