i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
