she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
