normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize