she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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