I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
