Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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