Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
