They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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