I wish I could teleport
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
