If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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