On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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