No stitches, just platelets and will power
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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