We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize