Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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