Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
