Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
