like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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