Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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