some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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