this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
