the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
