The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
