Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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