im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
