The maid of honor just puked.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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