Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
