Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
