yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The air was thick with penises
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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