When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
