I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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