I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How's work?
Spinning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Randomize
