i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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