I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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