Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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