My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize