I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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