Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
