Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize