dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
