its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
