Soap is not a condiment
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Randomize
