I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
