Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
