Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
