Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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