you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
