Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
