ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
