dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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