i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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