who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
