You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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