That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
