If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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