It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
