Porn is love you can see.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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