My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
