ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
