Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
