Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
