at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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