That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Rumble strips road head = magical
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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