I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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