He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
