when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
