Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
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