you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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