Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i think i have herpe
just one?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
